"Don't Go Insane"

This week I was elected to the board at my church. This is a surprise to me because I still feel so young... and then I remember I'm coming up on 40. I'm not as young as I feel. ;-) The other surprise was the great enthusiasm friends and acquaintances had for the chance to vote for me. I felt loved and appreciated. I feel that so often here, and it is such a contrast to my default feeling of "otherness" in group settings.

One friend I've worked with on projects said, "Congratulations. Now just don't go insane on us." I asked him to elaborate. He said he would, but hasn't yet. And I'm mulling the statement over in the empty space.

What would it mean for me to go insane?

The unanswered question is whether C was referencing something he's seen in me, or whether he's talking about another woman we both know who is no longer involved with the church. I have told him in the past that I relate to her because I burn out like she did. Take a position of authority, mix in a feeling of entitlement to control, stir in a healthy measure of real people, and you get someone who is increasingly mad at the incompetence around her.

I do this. I'd like to think it's rare, but it happened last summer on a trip with some folks I didn't know too well and I'm now embarassed to face.

So, what are the keys to my not going insane in this venture?

1. Recognize the contributions of the majority of the group exceed my own contributions.
2. Take time off when needed. Do not say "yes" to everything. Make sure I'm rested.
3. Do not make great personal sacrifices of time, money, or effort based on unspoken barter agreements.
4. Recognize that board membership is a call to serve the community in a particular way. It is not a position of power, but a position of responsibility.

And I will need to double-check on this, but I think the major expectation of the board is to make good decisions for the church. I think there are secondary expectations: modelling good church behavior, communicating clearly with the congregation, taking on leadership roles as needed. But I suspect that if meeting any of those expectations results in me moving toward insanity, they would suddenly become secondary to a lot of things.

New Entry

I'm compiling a list of 10 rules about personal ads, and I've just added one. It's bad luck to post about a response to a personal ad. In lieu of that, I'm posting my daily horoscope for today:

Meeting someone new always brings along a medley of feelings: apprehension, excitement and anticipation, for starters. Most of those feelings are carryovers from the past, inspired by memories that were either very good, or ... very not so good. At any rate, you're due for some of those to come along now -- of the entirely pleasant variety. Don't be surprised if this is the start of a new friendship that won't be going anywhere for a good, long while.

Hooey

"The act of taking the first step is what separates the winners from the losers."
- Brian Tracy

I have a thing for get rich quick schemes. Over the years I've become less of a sucker, but I still have my moments. In one of those moments a couple years ago (I believe I was unemployed and recently single..) I signed up for several Nightingale-Conant communiques. One I still get is "Motivational Quote of the Day".

Most of the time, these are insipid quotes from tape programs sold by Nightingale-Conant. Once a week or so, I get a quote that's really well... best to say it's a koan. It makes me look at the world differently.

Rarely, I get a quote, like this one, that's just crap.

"The act of taking the first step is what separates the winners from the losers."
- Brian Tracy

What separates the winners from the losers is taking the next step. The one after you're miserable, in pain, and want to quit. It's sitting down and writing the day after you've run out of passion for the story. It's standing on one leg for another minute after you've already lost your balance. It's daring to send the story in for one more rejection. It's chosing to walk to lunch today. It's deciding the person over there who scares you could actually be a friend.

First steps are fairly easy. Especially if they involve no more than sending money to someone. Of course, what Tracy really means is, "Winners buy into my program. Losers do not." And really, I'm okay with being a loser in his eyes.

NaNoWriMo

This is the year. I'm going to (finally) write my first novel this year. I'm going to use the NaNoWriMo program to help me do it.

I'm choosing NaNoWriMo because... well I'm already able to write a novel. I may not be a great fiction writer, but that comes from practice. What I have a tendancy to do is get bogged down in details. I'm like a fractal generator when it comes to details... Every layer of detail has another layer that I want to capture. Not just the room, the chair, not just the chair, the wood. Not just the wood, the construction.

By imposing a 30-day limit to get from start to finish on a story that's at least 50,000 words long, I think I'll have an incentive to skim some of the detail.

I've also decided that it's okay to follow the "first novel" cliche... I'm planning to write a book based on a largely autobiographical story that happened around my first year in college. It actually covered more than two school years, but I'm going to compress it into one.

There are four women who form the substance of the story, and maybe the reason I'm ready to write the story now is "Sex in the City". I feel much more comfortable handling stories and points of view for four women than I did before that series came along. I also have a better sense of how unique voices work.

So, that's the news. A novel -- or the rough draft of one -- in November. I'll keep you posted.